SA Songwriting Workshop: How to Fix Stiff Lyrics!
Structuring your songs with consistent rhyme patterns and phrasings is an excellent way to write cohesive, memorable songs, but you can easily end up with lyrics that sound too stiff or even manufactured. Many times all it takes is working out each line, one by one or in pairs, so that each line flows seamlessly into the next.
Here’s an example first draft of a first verse with the number of syllables in parentheses:
(4) Another night
(5) I’ll call out your name
(7) The only one who answers
(5) Is the pouring rain
(4) I will pretend
(5) I’m feeling your hands
(7) I’ll let you have your way if
(5) You don’t leave again
Notice the number of syllables in each section are exactly the same, i.e., “Another night,” and “I will pretend.” “I’ll call out your name,” and “I’m feeling your hands.” This lyric, aside from needing work to bring it more into focus, so it makes more sense and flows better, is extremely rigid because the phrasing of the lyrics is too methodical and unnatural. When writing a first draft, look at each section (from 4 to 6 lines at a time – in this case 4), and try to figure out how to make sense of that particular section so that it sets up the next part.
What we want is something more like this:
(6) Another restless night old line: Another night
(5) I’m calling your name old line: I’ll call out your name
(7) The only one who answers old line: The only one who answers
(5) Is the pouring rain old line: Is the pouring rain
This is flowing much better so let’s continue:
(6) Once again I’ll pretend old line: I will pretend
(5) The drops are your touch old line: I’m feeling your hands
(8) I’ll let them fall all over me old line: I’ll let you have your way if
(6) Until I’ve had enough old line: You don’t leave again
Much better! Notice I took out the stiffness of the first line, “Another night”. The phrasing was changed from this: “Another night” (pa-dah-da-da) to “Another restless night” (pa-DEE-da DA-da-dah). The phrase “Another restless night” flows and rolls off the tongue more naturally.
So this is what we have so far:
Another restless night
I’m calling your name
The only one who answers
Is the pouring rain
Once again I’ll pretend
The drops are your touch
I’ll let them fall all over me
Until I’ve had enough
In summary here are some ways to loosen your lyrics:
1. Pick out the most important word in each line and try to substitute it with a synonym, related word, or antonym. E.g., in the first line we have so far, I would focus on “night” because it tells us when the song is occurring. If I changed this word to “day” (antonym), maybe my first line would be, “I’ll spend another day” or “I’ll spend a whole new day,” This would open up new ideas and ways of saying that particular line, and would quite possibly change the whole complexion of the song. One good word can guide and reel the listener in, and one misused one can lose your listener.
2. Get into the habit of consciously trying to say and sing your lines the way you speak them naturally, and try not to force a word or words into a line because you’re stuck for a word! If you get stuck, don’t settle-move to the next line; chances are that previous line will become clearer to you and write itself!
3. In one line, write two or three words in legato style (phrasing joined together and smooth), and finish that line by pausing for a breath before singing the last two or three words staccatto style. I.e., in Flo Rida Featuring will.i.am’s big club hit “In The Ayer” the first line is simple but a great example of this but in reverse of the above suggestion, “(staccatto) Oh-hot-damn (pause) this is my jam (”this is my” has more of a “legato” feel ). In other words, let your lyrics breathe and don’t just use too many straight quarter notes in a row unless you’re going after a certain, intentional effect!
